Problems in the Underworld
by I.HAVE.A.JACK.HAMMER
Summary: Humor Story!Better than it sounds,I think.REVIEW.2nd fanffic still need help
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own pjo**

"The Underworld is getting pretty crowded" Hades murmured to himself.

He decided to only allow people who died a miserable death. So Charon stops the men who are about to enter his ferry. ""The Underworld's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"Charon snarls.

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell - but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Charon, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Charon explains to him about the Underworld being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Charon had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Charon explained that the Underworld was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

**A/N:Review!**


	2. Bill Gets Punished

**A/N:I do not want to offend people reading this. I do not hate Bill Gates. This is just a joke**

Hades greets him: "Welcome Mr. Bill Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Hades takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Hades, allowing Bill to enter the room. Hades locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Charon. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Charon. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Hades.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Hades.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Grrr….. I need more reviews! If you give me 5 more reviews I will continue **

Three guys found themselves in the Underworld : we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the River Styx.

The voice of the Hades was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser immortals to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

The voice of the Hades l was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Hades saying:

"Cindy, you have sinned."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Please try to make this more popular. I really don't know why people haven't read this till now.

**Picking a punishment**

This guy dies and is sent to The Underworld. Hades meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.

So Hades opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room".

Hades shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.

Finally, Hades shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.

So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Hades says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Hades pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:Other chapter Up. And If these sound familiar…. Sorry. I try to use the latest jokes.

But a lot of people eventually find out.

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at Elysium. Charon asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Elysium?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Charon asked The Furies to check this out in the record, and after a moment The Furies affirmed that this was true.

Charon said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Elysuim." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Charon nodded to The Furies, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Charon then whispered to The Furies "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

The Furies gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, and then said to Charon,

"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Tarterus."


End file.
